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Monday, November 12, 2012

Update: My Mother is STILL a Witch


(For a little background on this post, check out "My Mother Is A Witch" from a while back...)

So, a couple of days ago, my mother popped into the coffee shop.

She's been doing this more & more lately, which is how I got an impromptu "psychic check-up" on her last visit, when my mom put her hand on my chest, closed her eyes for what felt like a full minute, and then opened them to pronounce that I was healthy.

I got no such treatment this visit.

"Listen," she said. "I can't bring you any more good-luck oil yet. I need to pray over it more. Maybe 7 more days. Then it will be strong enough for you."

"Oh, okay," I replied, playing along.

Then she asked if I was still eating a handful of nuts daily "for my prostate" and if I was making sure I wasn't being followed home from the shop. Of course, I told her I was. What kind of son doesn't follow his mother's advice?

We visited a little. She told me her diabetes was under control, and she'd never felt better. I told her how business was and filled her in on the family news she was missing out on since she won't get on Facebook. ("People find out what's in your house with that Facebook!" she has warned me more than once.)

As I was walking her out to her car, my mother once again promised to bring me some good-luck oil as soon as it was ready. I nodded and thanked her in advance for it.

Then, as I was helping her into the driver's seat of her car, she said to me, "Oh, I almost forgot. I made a new spell for you."

Once again, I played along, as if she had always made spells for me.

"Listen," she continued. "Whenever someone wants to hurt you or has evil in their heart towards you, you just look them in both eyes and say, 'SAH-MAH-ELL,' just like that."

She was serious, as she always is about these matters. Still, I felt like I needed to dial things back a notch.

"Well, you know," I said. "I don't think there's anyone out there looking to do me any harm."

My mother clucked and shook her head as if to say that I was being naive.

"Just remember it so you have it when you need it," she said. "And I made it only for you. It won't work for anybody else."

I was afraid to ask what the spell was supposed to do to whomever I cast it on, so I just thanked her again and watched as she slowly drove away.

jj@grouchyjohns.com
www.jjwylie.com